AN EMPOWERED APPROACH TO FINDING


A LASTING, LOVING RELATIONSHIP...

4 Principles of Empowered Dating:

1. There is nothing wrong with being single.

It is possible to have a full life while single and that is a legitimate choice. Some people choose this for certain periods of time, some for the long term. Many people say that they would prefer to be partnered, but they are not willing to settle for just any relationship.

2. It's okay to want to be in a partnership.

Despite many messages to the contrary, there is no shame in wanting love or even in boldly seeking it. One of the ongoing tensions for many single women is to be able to hold this paradox of investing in a full life outside of the domain of partnership, while also being active in the search for a partner.

Wanting partnership DOES NOT negate your wonderful life. It does not mean you are desperate or incomplete. It does not mean anything bad about you. You want intimacy from a committed partner in your life. Go ahead and want it. You're powerful. You're wonderful. You want a partner. Awesome!

3. There is nothing wrong with you!

"If only I lose 20 lbs....resolve my issues with my family of origin...cleanse my liver....THEN....I will be deserving of the man/woman of my dreams." We are programmed to believe that if we want partnership but are single, there must be something wrong with us. You deserve love, intimacy, commitment and connection exactly as you are. You do not need to lose any weight, resolve any childhood issues, or do any self-improvements in order to have partnership.

4. Being single, like any other challenging time in one's life, is a great opportunity to do some work.

Life is a journey that includes joy, grief, loneliness, connection and many other profound and mundane human experiences. Sometimes, the most challenging aspects in our lives also provide us with the biggest opportunities for growth and healing.

Being single and wanting partnership - a time that is lonely and fraught with hopelessness and confusion for many people - is a wonderful opportunity to do some introspection about what you want in a partner and in your life, to build a stronger and more positive sense of yourself, and to work through baggage from childhood or past intimate relationships.

You don't have to do this in order to deserve partnership. But all the work you do while you are single to cultivate insight, awareness, and relationship skills will help strengthen your partnership in the future.

inspiration & insight?

Looking for more clarity, confidence & connection?

Sign up here for free dating inspiration and tips delivered straight to your inbox.

Plus, get my Top Ten Ways to Find Lasting Love.

Q & A:“Is the advice to let the guy lead still good advice?”

Q: Hey Pella, I've had 4 dates with a guy named Matthew whom I met at a party...

read more »

Q & A "I'm Dating Other People..."

Q: Dear Pella, Now I'm sort of dating these 2 guys...

read more »

Why Lovers are Like Food...

Imagine you are really hungry. You skipped breakfast and lunch. It’s 3 PM and your stomach is screaming “Feed me, feed me!”

read more »

Q & A: "So, um, are you looking to settle down?"

Q: Dear Pella, When is it okay to start asking questions about your date's hopes and plans for the future?

read more »

Q & A: What do I do while I wait? Should I settle?

Q: Dear Pella, What do I do in this time leading up to finding a partner and starting a family?

read more »

Q & A: When do we move from online messaging to an actual date?

Q: Dear Pella, A J-Dater has corresponded via J-Date email back and forth five times...

read more »

Are you ready to take the plunge?

Questions to ask yourself before committing for the long haul.

read more »

Do You Know Your Attachment Style?

When I work with a new client, one of the first things I help them determine is their attachment style. read more »

Top 18 Reasons to Run the Other Way

The heartache - or the relief - at the end of a relationship.

read more »

Do you suffer from Dating Fatigue Syndrome?

There’s a syndrome going around among many of my clients that is as normal as the common cold. I’ve dubbed it Dating Fatigue Syndrome.

read more »

Jennifer’s Letter to the World

Written by my client Jennifer, used with written permission.

read more »

How to Love Your Inner Ugly Duckling

My client Isabelle* is a beautiful 45 year old woman.

read more »

MY BROKEN RADAR (A PERSONAL STORY)

I’m sharing about my personal story today. It’s vulnerable to write about it, but I think it’s really important for you to know, so I’m going for it even though it's a little scary. Thanks for reading with an open heart.

read more »

SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS: SOLO

The holidays can be a really lonely time when you’re single.

read more »

Breaking Up is Hard To Do

We've all been there.

That awkward dinner, painful phone call, or even the surprising email (true story).

read more »

4 Principles of Empowered Dating:

1. There is nothing wrong with being single.

It is possible to have a full life while single and that is a legitimate choice. Some people choose this for certain periods of time, some for the long term.

read more »

How Do You Stay Inspired to Keep Dating?

It's hard to stay inspired to keep dating if you are in a place of hopelessness or fear. If you're sure you're not going to get what you want, why bother?

read more »

Why Self-Care is a Radical Act (and Why "Selfish" is a Good Thing)

First of all, let's define what we're talking about. What do I mean when I say "self-care?"

read more »

Like this article? Sign up for updates...it's FREE!