How Do You Stay Inspired to Keep Dating?

It's hard to stay inspired to keep dating if you are in a place of hopelessness or fear. If you're sure you're not going to get what you want, why bother? If it seems like rejection or disappointment are the only possible results from dating, why spend all that time and energy putting yourself out there?

When we lose touch with our inspiration, it's really, really hard to take action. In order to get or stay active in your search for a partner, it's important to be able to tap into your inspiration when you lose sight of it.

Here are my top 3 ideas for how to find your inspiration:

1) One of the best ways to get inspired is to find real life romantic relationships that inspire you. Spend time with happy couples. (Not the ones who are oogly-googly all over the place, which can be super hard to take when you're single. The ones who have been together for awhile and have a solid commitment, with an amount of PDA you can tolerate). Soak up the good vibes, watch how they handle conflict, get ideas for how you'd like your relationship to be similar - or different. Most of us haven't had great role-models, unfortunately. We just don't know how a healthy relationship works. Learning some relationship skills (in this case, by watching) is great preparation for your own relationship. If you find yourself spiraling into jealousy, remind yourself that this is possible for you, too.

2) Tap into your own desire. Allow yourself to feel the longing, the authentic, deep desire for real closeness and intimacy. Visualize yourself embracing your beloved and imagine how this will feel. Imagine sharing the daily ins and outs of life with someone, sharing the deep sorrows and profound joys. Notice what it feels like when you imagine yourself with this person. Take note of that feeling. This quality of your relationship is the most important factor. More important than any outward criteria, is how you feel with your partner and what you share. Someone can have the greatest credentials on paper, but if they can't be present and loving and treat you well, it doesn't matter. You're not going to be happy.

3) If you need external inspiration, read novels, listen to love songs, watch movies. Warning: Be selective in your choices of media input! There's lots of unrealistic images of romance and love out there, and while it's great to get inspired, don't let it influence you too much. You want love that's real and solid, not the kind of fling that whips through your hair and then moves on just as fast. That said, if you're finding it hard to get inspired, love songs, books and movies can be really helpful!

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