Imagine you are really hungry. You skipped breakfast and lunch. It’s 3 PM and your stomach is screaming “Feed me, feed me!”
You get up from your desk, finally, and go the fridge in the staff room to see what there is. Some butter, some half-and-half, some moldy jam, and…ah - leftover chocolate cake from your colleague’s birthday. Your stomach is making loud noises now, so even though you know your body needs some nutritious food, you slice off a piece of chocolate cake and polish it off quickly. You’re still hungry, so you have another. After two slices you’re not starving anymore, but you’re not satisfied.
You go back to your desk and work for another hour, thinking of the cake and how delicious it was. Your belly is asking for more food. Do you eat another piece of chocolate cake and risk a stomach ache or do you wait until you can find something nutritious to put in your belly?
Does this dilemma sound familiar?
Chocolate cake when you’re hungry for real nutrition is like casual sex when you’re looking for deep connection. There’s nothing wrong with chocolate cake, or getting laid. I’m all for people getting their sexual needs met! The problem arises when you were actually looking for something else; you were hoping that one-night-stand would turn into a long term relationship. Your need to fill your belly may be getting met, but your nutritional needs aren't getting met, leaving your body hungry for real nourishment.
What happens when three pieces of cake are eaten? Your stomach is full, for awhile, but you feel sick. What you really need is a full course meal, but you are really hungry so you eat the chocolate cake. It’s not bad. There’s nothing wrong with a good slice of chocolate cake every now and then! It’s just that too much chocolate cake doesn’t meet your real nutritional needs and makes your belly hurt.
What can happen when you go into a one-night-stand looking for a deep connection, and then you don't get a text back afterwards (or you do, but they only want to hang out casually again)? Your loneliness returns, usually worse than before. You can end up feeling used, abandoned, mistreated. Chocolate cake can really hit the spot when you want it - as long as you understand what you’re getting - and what you’re not.
When you find someone who wants to create lasting love with you, it's like eating a full course meal. You will feel fed and nourished all the way through. Not only will you get that delicious chocolate cake, you also get the protein, veggies, and grains that you need. Plus appetizers and drinks! THAT, my friend, is what you’re looking for (if you're looking for your life partner). Someone who you share fun and passion with, but also someone with whom you can develop real intimacy, trust and friendship. Without these elements, you won’t be truly, deeply satisfied .
In the meantime, do what you need to do to get your needs for touch, sex and companionship met. Just be honest with yourself and others about what you’re signing up for. It will save you lots of belly aches!
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