The heartache - or the relief - at the end of a relationship.
Wishing that you hadn't spent the last 6 months - or the last 6 years - feeling miserable with a partner who:
~ didn't treat you right...
~ wasn't a good match ...
~ had some serious issues...Hindsight is 20/20, as they say, and while love is not a risk-free game, there are some important things you can look out for from the beginning.
WARNING: This list is NOT intended as an excuse to impulsively dismiss your dates. You're looking for patterns of behavior not isolated moments in time. You're also not looking for someone who has no issues, but rather someone who is pro-actively addressing the difficulties in their lives. Another time, we'll talk about how not to be too picky, but for now, let's get clear on some good reasons to stop dating someone.
1. Does not respect your boundaries.
2. Does not keep agreements you have made together.
3. Exhibits excessive drug or alcohol use.
4. Is disrespectful, unkind or rude to you or others.
5. Does things that feel unsafe to you (physically or emotionally).
6. Appears unwilling to negotiate (re: timing/location of dates, activities, what food to eat, etc.)
7. Is physically inappropriate or violent.
8. Is not willing to work on the relationship.
9. Does not express enthusiasm or interest in talking to you or spending time with you.
10. Tells you that they are 'unavailable' or in some other way not able to meet your needs.
11. Is not available to date (is married, works extreme hours).
12. Is suffering from active depression or other untreated mental health issues.
13. Has serious life difficulties that they are not addressing responsibility.
14. Is a misogynist.
15. Has a fundamentally different relational orientation (monogamous vs. polyamorous).
16. Pushes a different value system (e.g. proselytizes their religion).
17. Doesn't meet your requirements for a relationship (e.g. wants kids and you don't).
18. Lies, distorts the truth or misleads you.
Truthfully, I'm just getting started. There are dozens more reasons to walk away from a relationship. But for now I'm holding myself back and focusing more on universal reasons.
Because here's the thing:
I am sick and tired of watching women suffer in relationships where they are not being treated right.
I want every woman to have the love that they deserve, from a person who sees her value and treats her accordingly.
Bad behavior doesn't go away just because the person is really cute...or they really want to be with you...or you really love them. Bad behavior and deeper issues may or may not change, ever. And it's important to be brutally honest with yourself before you invest months, or years, into a relationship where you are suffering.
This is not about finding perfection, or buying a finished 'ideal partner' off the shelf.
Your 'ideal' partner will be a human. They will have issues. They will be imperfect. So will you.
It's about finding someone you can build a life with, laugh and cry and wash dishes with. It's about finding someone who treats you really well, who is excited about you, and who inspires you with their integrity and their values.
You have to be willing to walk away - or run - from dates who are not right for you. Because if you don't, how will you be available for the one who is...?
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